what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just found puke in my bra..
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
