Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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