lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
