Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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