I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
This is my gift to your gina
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
