She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
