but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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