"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
