Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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