It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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