8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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