so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
