Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
