a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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