I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
