If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
