i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
