WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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