so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
