Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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