Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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