It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize