note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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