you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
