he wants to bone in the snuggie
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
