Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
