I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
