So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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