We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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