Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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