just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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