I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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