Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
