when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he thought i was a dude.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Send help, water and tortillas.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
