Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize