We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
