you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
