i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
