it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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