Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
