Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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