Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
