Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
