she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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