soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The struggles of a small town man whore
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
