imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize