Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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