I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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