Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
