Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
