In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
