I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
