you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
