so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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