The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
