Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize