dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We need a shit load of segways right now
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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