When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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