The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
