I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
