It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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