I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
