at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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