Since when is my name a synonym for head?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
