Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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