Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
