I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize