Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
