Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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