Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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