I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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