The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
