There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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