piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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