So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
