remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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