he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
