remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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