Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
We need to get me chipped asap
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
