she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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