Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The air was thick with penises
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
