yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She's the barista slut.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
