Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
