why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
