and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
then he tried to convert me to islam
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
